Super Farting Soldiers 3000 (The SFS3000 for short)
November 1st 2006 10:42
What would be the super soldier? Well according to some film makers and writers the perfect soldier would be a ruthless efficient killer desperate to gain acceptance in what he does, in what he is, and desperate for the love of the very country he fights for, for what he is, he’ll act out of hand to defend the country, or do what he believes is defending his country, and he’ll do it well… Also the perfect soldier would happen to be the spitting image of one Marlon Brando and would be a ridiculously good actor.
That’s not the militaries opinion of a super soldier. What the military wants is a soldier who is indestructible. To what degree will they go to do this? I would say that they would go as far as they could.
However this isn’t really a political blog, anything to do with politics is only because it just happened to be in the mix with the technology part. So what does the military want to do with soldiers that deserves it to be reported here? Well they want to outfit soldiers in super suits.
Super suits, the kind that gives you super strength by amplifying every bit and piece of motion you make. Can such a thing exist? Well surprisingly, yes it can, and yes it has been made, and yes the final plans have been set for it. After several years of querying universities, research labs etc for the best design the military chose one, the suit is being built up and will be ready for testing by 2008, working prototypes already exist as of writing. The main driving force for this little military project is a military research group (not surprising really) called DARPA.
DARPA’s exoskeleton program has yielded a design for a suit for soldiers to wear, using a system of hydraulics a single internal combustion motor physically amplifies all motions made by the wearer. The motor and its fuel tank are slung around your rear end, making the engine your proverbial metal buttocks and the exhaust your asshole.
These suits are actually classified as vehicles by the US Occupational Health and Safety Administration (OSHA) and rightly so, they in fact use an engine comparable to a scooter, it is also roughly as loud and smelly as a scooter. It’s best as such to only use this outdoors as one would assume you’d die from the very gasses excreted from your, erhem, metal buttocks if used indoors.
Running time with the prototypes is around two hours, theoretically this device could run for 24 hours straight on a full tank of gas (*cough* complex sugars in the form of beans *cough*) once it is ready to hit the battlefield.
There are however some significant hurdles that are needed to be overcome before then, for instance legislators are in a bit of a dilemma trying to understand just under what criteria the ‘vehicle’ could be judged as road worthy. There also has been no research on costs of maintenance and consequences of mid road break downs of the ‘vehicle’, however GEICO should cover some costs.
That’s not the militaries opinion of a super soldier. What the military wants is a soldier who is indestructible. To what degree will they go to do this? I would say that they would go as far as they could.
However this isn’t really a political blog, anything to do with politics is only because it just happened to be in the mix with the technology part. So what does the military want to do with soldiers that deserves it to be reported here? Well they want to outfit soldiers in super suits.
Sketch of the suit
DARPA’s exoskeleton program has yielded a design for a suit for soldiers to wear, using a system of hydraulics a single internal combustion motor physically amplifies all motions made by the wearer. The motor and its fuel tank are slung around your rear end, making the engine your proverbial metal buttocks and the exhaust your asshole.
The prototype in action
Running time with the prototypes is around two hours, theoretically this device could run for 24 hours straight on a full tank of gas (*cough* complex sugars in the form of beans *cough*) once it is ready to hit the battlefield.
There are however some significant hurdles that are needed to be overcome before then, for instance legislators are in a bit of a dilemma trying to understand just under what criteria the ‘vehicle’ could be judged as road worthy. There also has been no research on costs of maintenance and consequences of mid road break downs of the ‘vehicle’, however GEICO should cover some costs.
| 89 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
It looks like it would kind of cumbersome, but obviously appearances are deceiving.
Of course the future of war seems to be less and less about hand to hand combat. So it would really only apply to a very small number of defence personnel you'd think.
It is kind of cool.
Comment by Ahmed
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Regardless of how well developed technology becomes, ultimately in war your going to need soldiers on the ground getting dirty.